“I hate you! I wish you were dead.”
Haley watched, openmouthed, as her younger sister ran out of the kitchen. She could hear Hannah stomp up the steps and slam the door to their shared bedroom. How had a simple disagreement turned into a full-fledged battle?
The kitchen now looked like a war zone, with checker pieces strewn everywhere and the board lying lopsided on the floor. Haley bent down to pick it up, and then hesitated.
Why should she clean the mess up? After all, Hannah had been the one to flip over the checker board after Haley refused to let her take back a move.
“She’s a cheater,” the older girl muttered rebelliously, “The rules say that you can’t take a move back.”
Still—if her mom came home to a mess in the kitchen, they’d both get punished.
“It’s still not fair.”
But even as she said the words, Haley was already bending down, picking up the pieces closest to her.
“I’m always picking up after Hannah. It’s not my fault she can’t admit defeat.”
“She’s such a brat.”
Why did she even bother playing with Hannah, anyway? It wasn’t as if she didn’t have better things to do.
“Actually, you don’t,” a small, annoying voice inside her whispered, “That’s why you suggested the game in the first place.”
Haley shrugged, grabbing the last of the black checker pieces and putting them in the box. “Sisters are so annoying.”
“You’re a sister,” that small voice reminded her.
“Younger sisters are annoying. I mean, she’s always complaining and asking to take back moves that she’s already made. It’s not like she doesn’t know that’s cheating.”
Grabbing the board and storing it neatly into the box, she stood up. “I’m not going to apologize. It’s her fault for being such a whiner.”
“I heard that!” Hannah’s high pitched screech made Haley wince. “You’re the whiner. I hate you!”
Ugh.
Little sisters.
*************
“We know one another’s faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar. We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws.” Rose Macaulay
They’ve seen you crying and screaming, laughing and loving, at your worst, and at your best.
Who are they?
Your siblings.
We’ve known each other our entire lives.
We’re the definition of “close.”
So why do we fight so much?
Reason #1: They’re always there
No matter how loud your fights, how cruel your words, how angry you feel, at the end of the day, your siblings will still be there.
A friend can stop being a friend.
A boss can fire you.
A boy/girlfriend can dump you.
But no matter how hard you try to get away from each other, you and your siblings live in the same house. You share bathrooms, (sometimes) bedrooms, kitchens, clothes, and books.
They’re there.
And most of us take it for granted.
Reason #2: They’re always there
You could be paired with the kindest, sweetest, most easygoing person on the planet, but if you spend enough time with them, you’ll start to get on each other’s nerves. To put it simply, your siblings spend your infancy, childhood, and teenage years together. Sometimes, you just want to get away.
In a single house, however, this can be difficult.
Be creative. Your house is not as small as you think it is.
Are your parents in their rooms during the day? Probably not.
Is there a balcony you can go to, a backyard where you can relax, an unoccupied room?
Find such a place.
Your siblings love you, and deep inside, you know that your life wouldn’t be the same without them.
It’s just hard to see this after being with them for ten years straight.
Reason #3: They don’t always like you.
When you ask a friend to stop humming, they’ll probably do it.
Why?
Friendships are born on a mutual attraction between two people.
In other words, you have to like your friends, or else they’re not really your friends.
When you like someone, you do things for them.
On the other hand, your siblings don’t always like you.
They still love you, but “loving” something is very different from “liking” someone.
Love doesn’t involve your feelings. It’s a decision, way of life. When you love someone, you’ll protect them. You’ll defend them. You’ll beat up anyone who messes with them. That does not mean you’ll be nice to them.
Of course, it shouldn’t be that way. 1 Corinthians 13, the famous “love” chapter, states that love is kind.
Unfortunately, siblings aren’t always kind.
They’re more inclined to keep humming instead of stopping—with renewed vigor.
Then, it’s your turn to do something.
You can threaten them, yell at them, or physically go over there and force them to stop humming.
However, none of this, (not even the last one), will have a lasting result.
What will?
Change in your own behavior.
Be honest.
Are you rude when you ask them to stop?
Sometimes, a simple “please” does the trick, or a shift in tone.
If they still won’t stop, leave the room. Don’t cause a confrontation.
If you stop giving them reasons not to like you, they won’t.
A famous Vietnamese proverb states that “Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet.”
Like it or not, you’re stuck with your siblings.
You might as well learn to like it.
*************
“It’s been hours.”
“Shut up,” Haley told that part of her that wanted to smooth things over with Hannah. “It wasn’t my fault that the fight started, and I’m not going to make it better.”
Her words sounded weak and petty, even to her.
Haley sighed. It had been easier when she was mad, but now—
“I might as well go make up with Hannah,” she grumbled, “Besides, I’d really like my room back.”
She got up and turned around.
“Here.”
Hannah’s lower lip stuck out ungraciously as Haley stared at her.
“Uh, what?”
“Here.”
The older sister looked at object being offered to her.
A red checker piece.
“You missed one,” the younger sister said.
Haley looked at the checker piece, then at Hannah, and then back at the checker piece.
Part of her wanted to snap that if Hannah’d helped her clean the game up, she wouldn’t have missed the piece.
Another part of her, the reasonable part, wanted to take the piece and stop the feud.
“Earth to Haley, you there?”
“Haley?”
“HALEY?”
“HALEY!”
Haley blinked. “What?”
Her younger sister was glaring at her. “Are you going to take it?” she demanded.
Haley hesitated.
Then, she smiled, and took the checker piece.
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